On Smoking with the Prince of Cups

One chair
two chair
you there
me elsewhere.

you smoke
I smoke
we joke

suddenly I appear here
suddenly I see you

and I’m taken aback by the way that reality becomes

something about the flavor of our interaction gut punches and waist hugs me at the same time.

It hurts to heal
It is hard to feel
It is so easy to be here

You offer the cup
I take it
I drink
I’m home.

It is so odd to love borderless.
It is so new to love unrestricted
It is so strange to love open
without greed
a love like sun and moon
like wind and sea
we come together and
fall apart
come together and
fall apart we
fit together here and fit apart elsewhere.

I have never had a love like this before.

a love that lets me breathe
a love that expects little and gives without request

I asked and asked and begged to be loved as I am
and here you are
loving me
from as far as I want you
as close as I need you

I love you
I need you
I free you

there is something about this that makes me feel so sick
my heart my stomach no butterflies just opening
it hurts like growing pains
hurts like growing beyond anything my body was prepared for
I guess we are all as ready as we are for life’s surprises
I just did not know what to expect until you got here
and even now
I am so in the dark
my focus is on this healing
on the way you open me to parts of myself long hidden
this is just the type of love that changes you irrevocably
I never thought it was possible
and yet here I am
loving you
loving me

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